Together or Alone?

Trying to hold everything together is hard. Really hard. Especially when you have no idea what to do next. On one side is you and on the other what you must accomplish. In between there's this huge hole, full of traps and obstacles, ready to drag you down. And what you do? Turn around and leave or try to cross over? There's no going back. Not now. You've come so far and the only road is ahead. You make the next step. Now what. You find this wall that you can't climb. You have to destroy the wall and keep going. On the way you find more people like you, lying down exhausted, not able to move any further. Are you going to step on them and pass through? Are you going to leave them there? You have your own problems to think off. These people mean nothing to you. You don't know them. They're just going to waste your time. What you'll do is up to you. Many have chosen to turn blind eyes and continue. No one will blame you if you do the same. But when you reach the other side, turn around and see how many people you stepped on in order to come this far. Well done. You fought hard, you never gave up and you've accomplished your goals. You did it all by yourself. You did it all alone. And now you are at the top. Alone. We, on the other hand, are still fighting in this hole. Together. We're going to make it. Together. And we will make sure that no one is left behind. We're going to stand at the top. Together. But i still feel disappointed because you choose to be alone. Your ego was too big for you to care for other people. Now enjoy everything you have. Alone.

Goodbye

Today i will not share my disappointment. Today am going to say goodbye to the most important person in my life. I've kept this inside of me for so long, knowing that it will never reach you. You're so far away from me in a place i can never find. I never got the chance to show my gratitude and for that i am truly sorry. I wish you could see inside my heart, so you would understand how much you meant for me. You kept me warm inside your arms. You fed me when i was hungry. You changed my diapers. You heard my first words. You held my hands when i took my first steps. Whenever i was scared or angry, i was always running to you with tears. All of my memories contain something about you. Because of you i survived. Because of you i had a childhood. Because of you i had a home. Because of you i had a family. You are the reason i am who i am today. Although you're not here i still feel i can talk to you. So if you can hear me know that i will always love you and i will always be grateful to you. Only my tears can describe how much i miss you. I didn't have the chance to say goodbye before you go. So i am sitting here writing something you will never see. I just hope that it will reach to you somehow. I just want a second chance to say my final words. Goodbye grandma. Say hello to grandpa for me. Rest in peace.

Is this Help?

I find it really funny when people are helping you and at the same time they stick a blade behind your back. I sit and i watch this freak show and all i can do is laugh. You see many times people offer their help, that's good, but what happens if it's not for free? I could go on with this and write a novel but now i am referring to a special kind of help. Am not a psychologist but i find it sick when people are helping you just so they can improve their own image. They offer sweet words, words of comfort, promises, and at the same time they are promoting an image of themselves trying to show something that they're not. All you get is empty words. Cause when the time comes and you need them the most, they stab you in the back. And now you have every right not to trust anyone again. It's sick the way people are taking advantage of other people's problems. It gives me an awful taste in the mouth. So here i am again, mostly disappointed at people using the pain of others, just so they can gain something. My problem is that they make our pain bigger. If you've been offered help, that's what you should be getting. Not empty words. Not empty promises. You are not a toy. Don't let them treat you like that. You don't deserve it.

Not Usual

This is not a usual "mostly disappointed" post. And this is not a joke either. Here i explain how it goes and how it is. Many of the everyday things i see, are in a way disturbing. I take those things and i write them down. Some other posts are coming from my personal background but still i am happy to share with you. To me writing is something special. I find it easier to express myself and it does make me feel really good.
So what have we establish so far? This is how it is and how it goes. This is me

And this is what i do

Argue? or don't argue?

Wake up, don't wake up. Eat this, don't eat that. Sit, stand. Go, don't go. Kill that person, just forgive him. To many conflicts between me and myself. What do i really want? What do we all want? Here i sit having no idea what answer to give. Once i think of something, the arguments inside my head start and it flies way. Then i stare at the wall looking for any ideas but the wall doesn't want to help either. I am amazed by the fact that sometimes you just can't decide. You freeze there. And all of your thoughts trapped in a cage, hidden way where you can't reach. All of your problems pass right in front of you like empty boards. You just sit and do nothing. Complete silence. Close your eyes and enjoy this while it lasts. Cause when it comes to an end and all of your thoughts and problems burst in and hit you like a massive wave it will be to late. After that, the arguments are going to start again. It's not your choice and it'll never be. Now the biggest argument. Are you going to hit them back or sit there and do nothing?

Disappointed kid

I was a kid. Like every kid i had my own dreams. Innocent dreams. I was once a kid and i had that pure honesty in my eyes. Now all i see in the mirror is a face i hardly recognize. Inside there's still a kid wearing a grown-up mask, living in a grown-up body. A kid that is scared of what the world has become. A kid trapped in a circle he didn't build. A kid that is poisoned by a sick society. A kid mistreated, used. A kid that was attacked by angry people. A kid that saw his dreams torn apart, destroyed. And now look in to the mirror and tell me what do you see. Try to find that kid inside you. See what that kid has been through. Now try to say everything's fine. You can't lie to that kid. That kid is honest and pure. That kid lives inside you. All the kid inside me ever wanted is to have friends, play, and laugh. What does the kid inside you want? I am really disappointed that we let the kids inside us down. Are you? Please don't let the kids of today down too. They don't deserve to pay for our mistakes. We did pay for others but that doesn't mean that is right for them to pay for ours. There's still an innocent kid inside you. What do you think that kid would do? Don't let that kid down again. Thank you.

Screaming at closed ears

Another day passes, another disappointment arrives. You entrust your problems to the people responsible to deal with them and what happens? Nothing. They stick a number on you like you're a dead meat going for sale. If sold then good. Otherwise give it to the dogs. "Next". If you hold a position were your duties are to help others and find solutions to their problems, then that's what you should be doing. Giving empty promises doesn't help. So here i am again mostly disappointed at peoples indifference. You see some times you want to scream and take it all out but no matter how hard you try, your voice never reaches their ears. Or should i say their closed ears. If i am a doctor and you're my patient, you're screaming at me that you are dying but i don't listen, i don't care. If i am a fireman and your house is on fire, let it burn i don't care. Well this is how it is with many other things too. Don't become a doctor if you're not going to treat people. Don't become a fireman if you're not going to extinguish fires. Don't represent something that you're not going to do. Well here i am screaming at closed ears. Who cares. And for that i am mostly disappointed. Thank you.

It's not my problem!!!

Today i feel just a bit disappointed. The reason is because i found out that people from nowhere will offer their help. They don't know you and they don't care. They will still help you. They don't expect reward. But for all of these i am mostly disappointed. At the people who hold the responsibility to help because they are family or friends. Am mostly disappointed because they don't care. Not even that bit. They hang on them a tag saying not my problem. And they just watch you crawl. With no feelings. I am mostly disappointed because i had to write something sick like this. But wait. What is this tag on me? It says not my problem. Oh my god am one of them! But wait! We all are!

  

Here i start

I created this blog because i am mostly disappointed. Disappointed in many ways for many things. In general and in certain. At people and mostly at myself. You see i have a special gift. I give to everyone too much credit. And in the end i find out the hard way that i am wrong. Again. And that's why I'm mostly disappointed. Hopefully many people will read my blog and share my disappointment, not in a pessimistic way, but in a realistic way and understanding of the truth. We are always wrong about everything. No matter how much we think we know there's always something to prove as wrong. It will hit us many times over, but we are bound to do that mistake again, just because we think we are right. The only thing we earn is the doubts we're going to have next. And again for that I'm mostly disappointed. Thank you.