Useless

You don't like me? Turn around and look away. I will try to stay away from you but i can't promise you that you wont see me again. Deal with it. The rest is up to you. If i did something you didn't like you should come and tell me straight away. Not going around like a p*ssy and telling everybody about it. Am not going to apologize for something i don't know about. Am not being cruel, just realist. If you don't like it it's your problem and not mine. Learn to tell the difference between real and fake. Otherwise you will remain a p*ssy that goes and complaints to everyone. Deal with your problems and don't let others to do it for you. Stop being so useless.

Trying Hard

Am trying so hard. I really do. But no matter how hard i try, always something has to happen. Why? What's wrong? Is it my luck or my stupidity? I keep trying and trying and trying so so hard but again something happens and throws me down. Everything i do i fail. The only thing i achieve is failure itself. Why? For once can't i do something and achieve it? Am asking you. You two-face lying b*stard. How many times to you have to kill your own children so you can feed your own selfishness. You sick b*stard. How much more you want from us? Is that your purpose in life? To ruin your kids lives again and again? How many times you need to destroy our lives so you can be satisfied. But no matter what i say i know it's my fauld. For giving you countless chances to prove everyone wrong. I guess my dream for a family was too strong and made me blind. How stupid am i? Trusting you again was a big mistake. You live in world of your own where there's no one but you. Lying and betraying are your specialities. And the worst part you're too proud to care. Lets see when you're going to realise that you're going to be alone for the rest of your life. Congratulations dad. You f*cked my life again. Thank you very much.

Good or Stupid?

What is the difference between someone good and someone stupid? I don't know how to put it in words but i can give you an example. Someone comes to you, asking for your help. It could be anyone. Family, friends... You try to help them anyway you can. After some time they come back and they ask for your help again. Since you helped them once, you can't say no. What happens if they come back again asking for more? You help them again and again and again and again. When they don't need you, they don't know you. When you need help no one's there. If they need something, they'll come straight to you. Even if you are in a bad situation they will still ask something from you. And as a stupid human that you are you help them again. You're not good my friend, you are stupid! Now that you are in need, where are they? Do they know you? Oh here they come again! They want something again. But you are in no position to help them. You say No and what happens? They spit on you like you're the worst person in the world. They hate you for it regardless of what you've done for them so far. Now please answer me the first question...

Blind Man

Knowledge is a fascinating thing. Without it we are lost. Without it we are blind. And as a blind person am telling you this. Never stop learning and most importantly never stop thinking on your own. You are not a pre-build robot. Think freely and act freely. It doesn't matter who you are and where you come from, you still have potentials. Find what you love and do it. It's not easy, nobody said it'll be, but still you have to do it. Fail as much as you want you can stand up and try again. I have no knowledge but at least am trying. Do not let others decide for you and tell you what you can or can't do. I don't know you and you don't know me but still as a "blind" man am supporting you. Do the same for others. Be free but not selfish. You deserve a better future. We all do. Am sitting here mostly disappointed. Don't let me be.

A Boy's Story

You want to hear a story? A boy has one big sister and two big brothers. The boy lives on knowing who his family members are, but not all of them. Because of some unfortunate events, he didn't had the chance to meet them before. As the story goes, he suddenly learns that he has a small sister. That shocked him at first, but of course he wanted to see her. After 7 years he still wants to see her. Why so long? I ask myself the same question. Life is a very complicated thing. You never know what's going to happen next. You try to reach someone, but suddenly all these obstacles and people run and block your way. At some point the boy managed to travel across countries, looking for a better future and for a chance to meet his sister. Still again all this obstacles in the way. She lives in the next city but the boy can't see her. They don't allow him. So close but so far. All the boy can do now is wait for the right moment, counting every day until he can finally see someone he loved from the second he learned about her. Did you like the story? I don't. But the story is ongoing. How it ends only time will tell. And at this point i leave you with your own thoughts. Don't try to understand, just think that you are the boy and find someone you love to be the sister. Now you know.

Professional thieves in high positions

Since when we became a big business? What am i saying. We always were. And the funny thing in this "business" is that we vote who will run it. And we're not talking about just presidents and prime-ministers but for the whole political world. To me they're nothing more than professional thieves in high positions. They lie and they steal everyday, and what are we doing about it? Nothing. Some of us don't care and some of us are too scared that if we talk they're going to put us down. Still the fact remains that our future is determined by them. And every mistake they make, we pay the price. In the end what can we do? If there's no communication between us how can we be united and stand up to professionals like them. This is a game that we already lost just because we play alone.

Equal Opportunities

They talk about equality. I say "bullshit". All i ever had was my brain and my guts. I started from zero. No matter where i was, i was treated like a piece of shit. It didn't matter how many skills i had and what knowledge. For them i was just a peasant. I had no money, no friends, no diplomas, no certificates, nothing. It didn't matter how much effort i pout into it, i was still worthless to them. All the potentials i had meant nothing. And now i want to ask. Where is that equality? Where is that equal treatment? Where are those equal opportunities? Why i was always the kid in the corner? Why i was always ignored? Why i was blamed for things i didn't do? Why was everybody picking on me? Why i had to pay for others mistakes? Why everyone betrayed me? Why i had to suffer? Why i was always alone? What the fuck did i do wrong? I hear about equality and i laugh. What a sick joke. Equal to what?

Together or Alone?

Trying to hold everything together is hard. Really hard. Especially when you have no idea what to do next. On one side is you and on the other what you must accomplish. In between there's this huge hole, full of traps and obstacles, ready to drag you down. And what you do? Turn around and leave or try to cross over? There's no going back. Not now. You've come so far and the only road is ahead. You make the next step. Now what. You find this wall that you can't climb. You have to destroy the wall and keep going. On the way you find more people like you, lying down exhausted, not able to move any further. Are you going to step on them and pass through? Are you going to leave them there? You have your own problems to think off. These people mean nothing to you. You don't know them. They're just going to waste your time. What you'll do is up to you. Many have chosen to turn blind eyes and continue. No one will blame you if you do the same. But when you reach the other side, turn around and see how many people you stepped on in order to come this far. Well done. You fought hard, you never gave up and you've accomplished your goals. You did it all by yourself. You did it all alone. And now you are at the top. Alone. We, on the other hand, are still fighting in this hole. Together. We're going to make it. Together. And we will make sure that no one is left behind. We're going to stand at the top. Together. But i still feel disappointed because you choose to be alone. Your ego was too big for you to care for other people. Now enjoy everything you have. Alone.

Goodbye

Today i will not share my disappointment. Today am going to say goodbye to the most important person in my life. I've kept this inside of me for so long, knowing that it will never reach you. You're so far away from me in a place i can never find. I never got the chance to show my gratitude and for that i am truly sorry. I wish you could see inside my heart, so you would understand how much you meant for me. You kept me warm inside your arms. You fed me when i was hungry. You changed my diapers. You heard my first words. You held my hands when i took my first steps. Whenever i was scared or angry, i was always running to you with tears. All of my memories contain something about you. Because of you i survived. Because of you i had a childhood. Because of you i had a home. Because of you i had a family. You are the reason i am who i am today. Although you're not here i still feel i can talk to you. So if you can hear me know that i will always love you and i will always be grateful to you. Only my tears can describe how much i miss you. I didn't have the chance to say goodbye before you go. So i am sitting here writing something you will never see. I just hope that it will reach to you somehow. I just want a second chance to say my final words. Goodbye grandma. Say hello to grandpa for me. Rest in peace.

Is this Help?

I find it really funny when people are helping you and at the same time they stick a blade behind your back. I sit and i watch this freak show and all i can do is laugh. You see many times people offer their help, that's good, but what happens if it's not for free? I could go on with this and write a novel but now i am referring to a special kind of help. Am not a psychologist but i find it sick when people are helping you just so they can improve their own image. They offer sweet words, words of comfort, promises, and at the same time they are promoting an image of themselves trying to show something that they're not. All you get is empty words. Cause when the time comes and you need them the most, they stab you in the back. And now you have every right not to trust anyone again. It's sick the way people are taking advantage of other people's problems. It gives me an awful taste in the mouth. So here i am again, mostly disappointed at people using the pain of others, just so they can gain something. My problem is that they make our pain bigger. If you've been offered help, that's what you should be getting. Not empty words. Not empty promises. You are not a toy. Don't let them treat you like that. You don't deserve it.

Not Usual

This is not a usual "mostly disappointed" post. And this is not a joke either. Here i explain how it goes and how it is. Many of the everyday things i see, are in a way disturbing. I take those things and i write them down. Some other posts are coming from my personal background but still i am happy to share with you. To me writing is something special. I find it easier to express myself and it does make me feel really good.
So what have we establish so far? This is how it is and how it goes. This is me

And this is what i do

Argue? or don't argue?

Wake up, don't wake up. Eat this, don't eat that. Sit, stand. Go, don't go. Kill that person, just forgive him. To many conflicts between me and myself. What do i really want? What do we all want? Here i sit having no idea what answer to give. Once i think of something, the arguments inside my head start and it flies way. Then i stare at the wall looking for any ideas but the wall doesn't want to help either. I am amazed by the fact that sometimes you just can't decide. You freeze there. And all of your thoughts trapped in a cage, hidden way where you can't reach. All of your problems pass right in front of you like empty boards. You just sit and do nothing. Complete silence. Close your eyes and enjoy this while it lasts. Cause when it comes to an end and all of your thoughts and problems burst in and hit you like a massive wave it will be to late. After that, the arguments are going to start again. It's not your choice and it'll never be. Now the biggest argument. Are you going to hit them back or sit there and do nothing?

Disappointed kid

I was a kid. Like every kid i had my own dreams. Innocent dreams. I was once a kid and i had that pure honesty in my eyes. Now all i see in the mirror is a face i hardly recognize. Inside there's still a kid wearing a grown-up mask, living in a grown-up body. A kid that is scared of what the world has become. A kid trapped in a circle he didn't build. A kid that is poisoned by a sick society. A kid mistreated, used. A kid that was attacked by angry people. A kid that saw his dreams torn apart, destroyed. And now look in to the mirror and tell me what do you see. Try to find that kid inside you. See what that kid has been through. Now try to say everything's fine. You can't lie to that kid. That kid is honest and pure. That kid lives inside you. All the kid inside me ever wanted is to have friends, play, and laugh. What does the kid inside you want? I am really disappointed that we let the kids inside us down. Are you? Please don't let the kids of today down too. They don't deserve to pay for our mistakes. We did pay for others but that doesn't mean that is right for them to pay for ours. There's still an innocent kid inside you. What do you think that kid would do? Don't let that kid down again. Thank you.

Screaming at closed ears

Another day passes, another disappointment arrives. You entrust your problems to the people responsible to deal with them and what happens? Nothing. They stick a number on you like you're a dead meat going for sale. If sold then good. Otherwise give it to the dogs. "Next". If you hold a position were your duties are to help others and find solutions to their problems, then that's what you should be doing. Giving empty promises doesn't help. So here i am again mostly disappointed at peoples indifference. You see some times you want to scream and take it all out but no matter how hard you try, your voice never reaches their ears. Or should i say their closed ears. If i am a doctor and you're my patient, you're screaming at me that you are dying but i don't listen, i don't care. If i am a fireman and your house is on fire, let it burn i don't care. Well this is how it is with many other things too. Don't become a doctor if you're not going to treat people. Don't become a fireman if you're not going to extinguish fires. Don't represent something that you're not going to do. Well here i am screaming at closed ears. Who cares. And for that i am mostly disappointed. Thank you.

It's not my problem!!!

Today i feel just a bit disappointed. The reason is because i found out that people from nowhere will offer their help. They don't know you and they don't care. They will still help you. They don't expect reward. But for all of these i am mostly disappointed. At the people who hold the responsibility to help because they are family or friends. Am mostly disappointed because they don't care. Not even that bit. They hang on them a tag saying not my problem. And they just watch you crawl. With no feelings. I am mostly disappointed because i had to write something sick like this. But wait. What is this tag on me? It says not my problem. Oh my god am one of them! But wait! We all are!

  

Here i start

I created this blog because i am mostly disappointed. Disappointed in many ways for many things. In general and in certain. At people and mostly at myself. You see i have a special gift. I give to everyone too much credit. And in the end i find out the hard way that i am wrong. Again. And that's why I'm mostly disappointed. Hopefully many people will read my blog and share my disappointment, not in a pessimistic way, but in a realistic way and understanding of the truth. We are always wrong about everything. No matter how much we think we know there's always something to prove as wrong. It will hit us many times over, but we are bound to do that mistake again, just because we think we are right. The only thing we earn is the doubts we're going to have next. And again for that I'm mostly disappointed. Thank you.